6 Types of Unhealthy Mother-Son Relationships
Mothers are the first female figures boys connect with when they enter this world. This is why setting good examples and demonstrating love and support is crucial right from the very start. But what about those who don’t have such a great upbringing from their mothers? What are the harmful effects on them? In this blog post, we’ll explore six types of unhealthy mother-son relationships and the impact they can have on a young man’s life.
1. Mama’s Boy — When Close Becomes Overbearing
A close mother-son relationship is important, but how close is too close? When a mother oversteps her son’s boundaries, makes all the decisions for him, and forces him to be by her side at all times, it leaves him very little room to grow independent as he gets older. In fact, his mother may work harder to make him feel guilty if he doesn’t stay in touch with her constantly. The son is often empathetic, kind-hearted, and giving, but his mother often takes advantage of him because of that. As he gets older, he may quietly or openly resent her and start to retaliate in order to establish freedom for himself.
2. Mother and Lover — When a Son Becomes a Substitute
If a mother loses her husband, her partner unexpectedly, whether from death, divorce, or emotional distance, she might try to replace him with her son by having him play the spouse role. The son will likely feel uncomfortable fulfilling his mother’s needs and may resent the father for leaving them or not being more active in their everyday lives. No one should have to bear the burden of carrying on extra responsibilities, especially starting at such a young age. This can harm him both emotionally and psychologically, putting his individuality at risk.
3. The Absent Mother — The Void That Shapes a Son
It can create serious damage when a mother is absent in her son’s life, especially when her son is young. According to Hope Edelman, author of “Motherless Daughters,” those who grew up without a mother can have trouble forming relationships with others. Sons who grew up without mothers often either blame themselves, believing they did something wrong that caused their mother to leave, or they end up resenting them. It’s easier to hold on to anger than nothing at all.
4. The Boss and Subordinate — A My Way or the Highway Dynamic
This type of relationship very much takes on the “my way or the highway” attitude. The mother is often highly controlling and dominant, forcing her son to follow her every lead. He has little to no say in expressing his sense of self. He will also have difficulty making decisions as he gets older. This can either influence him to depend on others too much, or he’ll mirror his mother’s actions and take control in situations where he feels valued and heard.
5. The Hide-and-Seek Mom — Emotional Distance
This type of mom is often emotionally distant. Her son has a hard time reaching her when he needs it the most. She can be highly unpredictable with her mood swings, which makes it hard for her son to get close to her, unsure of how she’ll react. He learns to also keep a safe distance from her. This type of mother might struggle with giving her son little to no attention, love, and support. Consequently, this can make it hard for him to form real connections with others. He may learn to build up walls and struggle with social anxiety.
6. The Mom and Her Trophy Boy — The Quest for Perfection
This type of mother-son relationship revolves around perfection and expectations. In this circumstance, the mother likes to be the star and often puts her son on display like a trophy where she can show him off in front of others. He’s treated more like a possession rather than a son to her. Obsessed with image and performance, she has high expectations for her son, pushing him to be better every day. Although he may be the all-star student in school, on the inside, he may be secretly suffering from pressure as he grows up. He may be quick to please, constantly working, and incredibly self-critical.
Conclusion — Breaking the Cycle
We want you to remember that your toxic upbringing does not define nor limit who you can become. Unhealthy mother-son relationships can leave scars, but they can be healed. It’s essential to recognize the red flags and seek support. If you’ve seen any of these red flags in your own life or the life of someone you care about, know that you’re not alone. This blog post aims to be a judgment-free platform where you can seek support from our community members.
