No one can enter another person’s mind and lead him out of the maze of thinking.
A friend of the writer Bob once participated in a TV interview.
During the recording, everyone discussed the topic of “children hitting people.”
When it was the friend’s turn to speak, he said categorically:
“Children from single-parent families are prone to violence.”
When Bob heard this, he felt that this was too absolute, so he sent this person a message:
“Confucius and Mencius also had single-parent families, but they were gentle and polite people. If you say this, children from single-parent families will have a hard time getting along.”
Later, he talked about sociology from psychology, trying to correct the other person’s point of view.
However, the other party believes that single-parent families must not be able to educate their children well.
Bob said a few more words, but his friend blocked him. Bob was so angry that he felt uncomfortable for several days.
People have different views on the three concepts, and their cognition is also high or low.
Arguing with people of different levels is a kind of self-depletion.
Not competing with people with low cognition is the true maturity of an adult.
01. Don’t argue with prejudiced people.
Writer Bonnie Gamus told such a story.
Elizabeth, who was an intern at the research institute, had her scientific research results stolen by her colleagues.
She asked her boss for an explanation and showed her boss page after page of her report.
But the leader said: You don’t even have a master’s degree, so it’s impossible to do this kind of research.
Elizabeth asked back: Do you need a high degree to do research?
The leader shrugged and said dismissively: I never believe that an undergraduate can achieve anything.
Elizabeth immediately quarreled with the leader, then slammed the door angrily and left.
A colleague advised her that her boss had a deep bias on academic qualifications and that she should seek help from the arbitration department.
But Elizabeth refused to listen and repeatedly went to argue with the leader.
As a result, instead of admitting her mistake, the leader found reasons to fire her.
Lenin once said that prejudice is farther from the truth than ignorance.
Arguing with them is destined to be a futile exercise.
In psychology, there is a “personal construct theory”.
It means that a person’s cognition is a concept formed by past knowledge, experience, thinking, expectation, evaluation, etc. Every time we encounter the same or similar scene, we are used to making judgments based on experience.
Once a person’s thinking inertia occurs, it will be difficult to accept other people’s opinions.
Many people always feel that it makes no sense.
But as I walked, I discovered that everyone has their own biases.
The prejudices of others are a dead-end road in the cognitive maze. No one can enter other people’s minds and lead them out of this maze.
Not arguing with prejudiced people is about accepting the world and letting yourself go.
02. Don’t talk about flexibility with people who have a fixed mindset.
There was a man named John Lasseter, an animator at Disney.
In addition to painting, he also loves computers.
At that time, intelligent drawing technology began to emerge, which was much more efficient than manual drawing.
One day, he sent an email to his boss and suggested using a computer to try making computer animation.
As a result, he did not wait for a reply from his boss but was informed by the human resources department that he was fired.
The reason given by the company was that his boss thought he was too crazy for daring to use a computer to draw.
After all, at that time, the entire industry was mainly based on hand painting.
People generally believe that painting is art, and how can a machine without a soul replace people?
John originally wanted to argue with the company, but when he thought of his boss’s stubbornness, he didn’t bother anymore.
Soon after, John went to another company and used computers to produce a popular cartoon.
This animation is Pixar’s “Toy Story.”
In psychology, there is a concept of “mindset”.
This means that people can easily become rigid and unchanging in their thinking.
Because this not only saves the brain’s energy for thinking but also does not bear the risks caused by changes.
When we try to change a person, we force him out of his comfort zone.
He will fight you to the end to maintain his sense of security.
When encountering such people, the best thing to do is not to confront them head-on, but to stay away from them and be ourselves.
In 1900, a man named Jack Sterling was sent to Vietnam by the United Nations to solve the problem of child malnutrition.
Before setting off, he asked many colleagues who had been to Vietnam for advice.
As a result, everyone said that the problem of malnutrition cannot be solved unless the current situation of poverty in Vietnam is changed.
Others suggested that he just go through the motions as no one can come up with a solution.
But Jack knows that there are no absolutes in anything, and there cannot be any breakthrough.
He did not contradict his colleagues face-to-face and went to Vietnam alone.
After some on-the-spot investigation, I found that many children from poor families are still physically strong.
The reason behind this is that mothers often feed their children small fish, shrimp, and sweet potato leaves.
Soon, he promoted this eating habit and successfully solved the problem of malnutrition in children.
Throughout the entire process, he didn’t try to change anyone.
Instead, we use concrete actions to prove to everyone that when we encounter problems, we might as well try another way of thinking.
Schopenhauer said: The biggest prison in the world is the human mind.
No one can unlock the shackles of a person who is trapped in his mind.
The best way to interact with them is to:
Just keep your opinions, I won’t change you and don’t influence me.
03. Don’t reason with shallow-minded people.
There is such a wonderful passage in the novel “Pride and Prejudice”.
When Mrs. Bennett learned that a wealthy young man had moved near her home, she urged her husband, Mr. Bennett, to take their daughters to visit him.
Her idea is simple:
A wealthy bachelor always wants to marry a wife, and one of his five daughters, who are beautiful and talented, will always be chosen.
But Mr. Bennett doesn’t think so. In his opinion, rich people’s marriages are more complicated.
In addition to appearance and talent, both parties must value family background and education more.
He did not agree to bring his daughters to the house blindly and tried to persuade his wife to put it aside in advance.
But Mrs. Bennett refused to give up. One moment she said that her husband had ruined the happiness of her daughters, and the next moment she complained about her miserable life, which made Mr. Bennett upset.
In the end, he had to run away quickly and hide in the study alone to find some peace.
Mrs. Bennet herself took her daughters to aristocratic balls.
Everyone was polite to them on the surface, but behind their backs, there were all kinds of comments and ridicule.
Some people say that their clothes are out of date, while others say that they live off their family property and will end up in vain sooner or later.
As a result, Mrs. Bennett could only take her daughters home in despair.
I agree with one sentence: Cognition is an insurmountable gap between people.
When looking at something, some people look at it superficially, while others look at it deeply;
Some people see through the essence of things in a second, while others remain confused their entire lives.
You see a friend investing blindly and tell him that the trend has passed, but he blames you for being too negative and only saying depressing words.
You advise young people not to play with mobile phones and be careful about wasting their lives with “nipple fun”. He says that your life is too tiring and boring.
Only when people have similar cognitions can they talk together.
Writer Wu Jun said: Reasoning with people who have little knowledge is just a waste of words.
The core of interpersonal communication is not only the exchange of emotions but also the exchange of opinions.
At no time should you use your reasoning to convince a shallow-minded person.
Social psychologist Elliott once said:
“Most people are unwilling to admit their ignorance and will try to rationalize their ignorance.”
It is not difficult to understand why the lower a person’s knowledge is, the more likely he is to be biased and refuse to change.
Therefore, when meeting people with low cognition, staying away silently is the best way to help each other.
People with poor cognition are destined to be two parallel lines that can never intersect.
Everyone can only be his own master.
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