how do you know When he wants to love you but also wants to give up on you???
Nietzsche said:
“The most difficult stage in life is not that no one understands you, but that you don’t understand yourself.”
In the turmoil of love, the most heartbreaking thing is not the regret of not being able to love, nor the helplessness of long-lost love.
But they clearly have love in their hearts, but they don’t want to embrace each other affectionately;
It’s obviously painful and hurts like a knife, but you still have to be cruel and push away the person you love.
To avoid loss, choose to end early
I read this sentence:
“Perhaps the person who pushed you away loves you more than you think.”
At first glance, it seems a bit confusing, but after thinking about it, it is difficult to understand:
Since you love me, why would you choose to push it away?
A friend recently suffered a sudden and devastating breakup.
Her boyfriend doesn’t understand her motivation and strength and thinks she doesn’t cherish this relationship.
Without warning, the other party sent a unilateral farewell message and then disappeared without a trace.
For friends, this is undoubtedly a huge blow.
She thought her boyfriend loved her and understood her, but she didn’t realize how deeply he misunderstood her.
The friend pretended to be aggrieved and offered explanations, but his boyfriend was nowhere to be found.
A cliffhanger breakup often catches people off guard.
You may have had a good chat one day, but the next day you are suddenly told that the relationship has come to an end.
This sudden turn of events is undoubtedly an extremely cruel blow to the party being broken up.
Because they knew nothing at all, had no psychological preparation, no opportunity for explanation, and no buffer time, they were forced to accept the separation.
This way of breaking up is indeed a bit selfish.
Perhaps, at the moment when they decided to break up, the other party also experienced inner struggle and pain.
However, what he ultimately chose was not to be honest with his partner, not to face and solve problems together, but to make his own decision and unilaterally escape.
This approach neither gives the other party a chance to mend the rift, nor leaves any room for redemption.
It not only caused the other party to suffer tremendous pain, but also made me miss a wonderful possibility.
In psychology, there is a famous “ Murphy’s Law “.
It tells us that if you worry about something happening, it’s more likely to happen.
In relationships, the same law applies.
When you have doubts about your partner’s love, when you feel uneasy about the stability of your relationship, anxiety and fear can hang over you like a haze.
Because you are deeply afraid of losing, you struggle painfully with worries about gains and losses, unable to extricate yourself.
Some people are escaping from reality and unwilling to face the problem; some are driven by emotions to act impulsively; some even choose to break up first to avoid imaginary losses.
However, none of these methods can really solve the problem. Instead, they put the relationship in a dangerous situation and slide it to the edge of no return.
Pushing the other person away is a kind of self-protection
On Weibo, there is such a hot topic:
Why push someone you love deeply away?
One of the highly praised comments told the truth:
“This behavior is very common.
Obviously you like the other person very much, but you always lose your temper for no reason, often quarrel and have cold wars with your partner, and propose to break up or divorce with the other person.
You will realize that you are pushing the other person away, but it will still be difficult for you to control your behavior.
If your partner doesn’t do something well, you will explode emotionally and deny everything he has done for you in the past.
Behind it lies your inner negative beliefs about intimate relationships:
You think love is unsafe. “
André Mauroya wrote in The Art of Living:
“The love born out of anxiety is like a thorn that has been thrust in. The more it is pulled out, the deeper it pierces.”
Sometimes, what causes the relationship to break down is not that the other person does not really love you enough, but your own sensitivity, suspicion and random thoughts.
cherry is forceful, complaining, hysterical, baring her teeth and aggressive.
Many times, it is clear that she is the one who creates conflicts, but she always sees herself as the victim.
Many times, it is clear that her husband has responded to her in the way she expected, but he turns a blind eye.
Later, she admitted on the show that she was actually too unsure of herself.
Her Teacher also analyzed her behavior:
“People who have had to rely on themselves since childhood, who have low self-esteem, or who have not received love, have a problem that they are not aware of.
We call it the underlying purpose caused by causal theory.
Because the context she is most familiar with is that no one loves me.
So you will find that she will test whether you love me every time.
There is a hidden logic in her that if you think I am so bad, one day you will not love me. When it is proved that you do not love me, my potential purpose will be realized.
I’m back in the same vein that I used to be so familiar with. “
The behavior of pushing your lover away may seem cold, but it is actually a kind of self-protection deep inside.
They try to seek an illusory sense of security by creating distance;
Trying to avoid the possibility of getting hurt by pushing your lover away.
They often take the initiative to create “violent winds” and “heavy rains”, using intense tests to test each other’s love;
Try this extreme way to master emotional uncertainty.
However, this kind of behavior makes the relationship more fragile and fragile.
When the other person really leaves, they will fall into extreme pain again.
At the same time, this pain brings a strange sense of security.
Because this validates their long-held belief — “I really don’t deserve to be loved. “
There is no love for separation
For them, the reason why they “act” like this is essentially because they are too insecure.
Behind the act of creating a masterpiece is the proof of an extreme desire for love.
All kinds of attacks and destruction in relationships are not out of malice, but just to confirm whether the harbor of love is stable enough.
I have read this passage
“You’ve obviously met someone who cares deeply about you and has eyes for you. Why do you think about him and force him to disappear? What’s your purpose?
If I really let you go, would you really be happy?
Remember, the person who tried his best to love you and just to keep you is lost, but there will really be no more. “
Flowers bloom and fall, and people gather and disperse.
In fact, the most precious thing in this world is neither “unavailable” nor “lost”, but “possessed”.
No emotion is meant to torture, no love is meant to separate.
When you want to love someone but also want to give up, please remind yourself:
What you imagine is not the full picture of reality.
What you are worried about has not actually happened yet.
Don’t accept your thoughts as reality and don’t be easily trapped by doubts and worries.
Instead, learn to use simplicity against complexity, and purity against hustle and bustle.
The best state of loving someone is to have a rich and calm heart, to have the ability to love yourself and to have the structure to love others.
Don’t ignore each other’s efforts, don’t wear away each other’s love, and don’t be stingy with your tenderness.
Since you have it, you should love it deeply; since you have met it, you should cherish it.
Love is very simple, it’s you and me; if we quarrel for a while, we will be happy for a lifetime.
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