If he doesn’t like you, it’s not the end, it’s just a stage of relationship flow.
If he doesn’t like you, it’s not the end, it’s just a stage of relationship flow.
In intimate relationships, many people rely too much on linear and static thinking patterns but ignore the other person in the relationship, as well as the emotional state and connection between each other, which is a dynamic process.
Common example: The other person used to be very enthusiastic about me, but recently became cold and distant, no longer looking for me, even if I take the initiative, the attitude is neither salty nor bland.
Interpretation of static thinking:
1. He must be tired and doesn’t like me so much.
2. Maybe he met someone new, or there’s a dog outside.
3. People who know how to love will not ignore my feelings, will not escape when there is a little pressure, will not be hot and cold, and cold-blooded me.
From this, the conclusion: he cheated/didn’t like me enough/
he is a scumbag who is incapable of love.
If you are aware enough, you will find that static thinking is usually traumatic thinking, experiential thinking. It tends to repeatedly verify the traumatic beliefs formed in the experience, as well as the one-sided truth learned from the experience sharing of others, for example:
Trauma:
I can’t be liked enough and chosen firmly by others.
I am always abandoned at the peak of the relationship.
Experience:
There are too few good men. No man is good. If the other person does not respond to your needs, it means that he does not love you enough. These painful beliefs in your heart have caused you to constantly look for evidence to overturn these beliefs. You hope that once, just once, the relationship you encounter can completely overturn these beliefs and save you from the nightmare. But the truth is, when you hold on to these traumas in your heart and when you still rely on the linear and rough analysis of your mind, you will tragically experience “self-fulfilling prophecies” again and again. You must first save yourself from traumatic beliefs before you have the opportunity and power to create a healthy relationship for yourself.
A more intelligent and high-energy cognitive model will not completely deny the above conclusions but is based on accepting facts and understanding the world and others from a more dynamic perspective. Look at the phased flow and changes of people’s hearts and things with a more accepting mind, and have the power to actively create and change.
Therefore, a more intelligent interpretation is:
1.I know that emotions are a fluid and continuously changing process. Past liking does not mean that the other person is obligated to continue this state. However, disliking someone is not the end of a relationship, it is just a phased change. I accept the fact that the other party is temporarily alienating me.
2. Based on the acceptance of the fact, I reconsider whether I want to continue this relationship. If I still like the other party, I am willing to work hard to improve our relationship. The biggest variable between his liking and disliking is not only him but also myself. I am a vital and creative being, and I have the power to change.
3. I enjoy the process and experience of this creation, but I am not obsessed with the result. I accept that all the results are not satisfactory.
4. Letting go is not kindness to the other party, but the deepest salvation and blessing for myself.
5. When I choose to leave this relationship, I will leave cleanly and refreshed with gratitude and freedom. I will not take away the resentment and trauma towards him.
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