Keeping Secrets: The First Book on the Psychology of Secrets!

Not all secrets are harmful, and some can make you live a better life?

4 min readMar 12, 2024


Researchers in the past believed that withholding information during a conversation was keeping secrets, and they designed clever experiments based on this idea.

But when we look at the real secrets (like the ones you are currently guarding) and ask how they affect you day in and day out, a different picture begins to emerge.

More than just cunning or deception, keeping secrets is a working of the heart, how we feel about ourselves and our relationships, how we respond to life’s challenges, and what makes us who we are.

All people have secrets, but not all secrets are alike.

Keeping secrets is an intention, not an act

Being asked “What’s your secret?” may be the most embarrassing experience imaginable, but how common is it?

I have never directly asked my friends, even close friends, if they had ever cheated on their partner, had an abortion, or been abused as a child.

Whether in real life or in psychology experiments, avoiding questions about secrets is less common than we fear.




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