It’s almost New Year’s Eve again, we all want to add one year old, at least the virtual age is so.
The increase in age and maturity are often two different things, some people are 40 or 50 years old or a giant baby, while some people, in their twenties, has been very mature, behavior and action, speech and mannerisms, treatment of people in all aspects, can become a role model.
I have confusion is: why most people, always smooth as mature, high emotional intelligence as know how to play games.
People seem to be happy to study human relationships, but behind the scenes, they are one thing and another, and then they lament the hypocrisy of others and the meaninglessness of socializing.
I don’t know what your surroundings are like, but I look closely at the people around me and find that there are very few people who are willing to analyze themselves and study themselves.
They are more willing to exchange glasses and brag in the drinking place than to think alone, especially during New Year’s Eve.
And then put on a very mature look, always give others “advice”, but basically will not listen to what others say — this phenomenon is actually not only not called mature, even called stupid.
The real maturity, or essentially know how to deal with their own relationship with themselves — this is the fundamental of your relationship with everything.
From this point of view, the real maturity of people is from these five “losses” to start.
1. Loss of “hope”
Most of our pain comes from disappointment, disappointment in others.
The source of disappointment is an expectation, and the nature of expectation is the demand and control of others.
For example, expecting someone to be nice to you, expecting someone to warm you, expecting someone to help you, in many cases, will bring you disappointment. Because in the end, you will find that you can rarely count on others.
Although people are human, you’d better not think of yourself as a person — you have to think of yourself as a wild animal.
Who can wild animals count on when they are faced with harsh natural conditions, natural enemies, and hunger?
Whether it is hunting or fleeing for their lives, many times they often have to rely on themselves.
The nature of human survival is the same.
The most important thing that a mature person should lose is the expectation of others.
This is not a negative, sentimental word, should be a positive self-awareness.
You can be generous and kind to others, but don’t expect others to be generous and kind to you.
For all that others have given you, it is a luxury that you should cherish and be grateful for. The foundation is to rely on yourself.
2. Loss of “temper”
The temper tantrum does not look so terrible, who does not have a little temper?
But, along with a violent temper generated, is the angry words.
The temper words are much more terrible, “a good word can make three winters warm, bad words make people cold in six months” is not without reason.
Although people often are very good with you, good for years and years, perhaps you once said very hurtful words, people will therefore remember you, all the previous good, may be abandoned.
Take me for example, if a person is kind enough to help me finish college, but I have a conflict with him after graduation, he gets angry and says in his anger.
“Help you finish college is the last thing I regret doing in my life”.
As soon as this sentence is said, no matter how it apologizes, how to explain, my heart that very hard scar, or very difficult to return to soft — because, it really hurts.
I have observed that people around me who are really capable and mature basically live like a Bodhisattva, always quiet and not angry, and even if they are angry, they will not say anything hurtful.
Friends, ah, do not say hurtful words, such as revealing the shortcomings of others, such as all the words that hurt people’s self-esteem.
Once these words are said, to build a good relationship again will be really difficult.
Of course, to completely quit emotions and temperament, is almost impossible to do.
Even the most emotionally intelligent and good-tempered people will have times when they lose control.
But learning to take the initiative to seek reconciliation after one’s own venting is also an important criterion for judging a person’s maturity — many relationships are destroyed from both parties who hurt each other, and no one has ever taken the initiative to apologize.
3. Loss of “desire to pour the heart out to somebody”
In this world, no one likes to listen to others, including psychologists who receive money to help treat.
This is not difficult to understand because, to put it another way, do you love to listen to others?
Do you like to listen to endless, endless, rambling talk?
So, until you have no choice, you can’t stand it, you have to digest your own hardship.
And to grow up is to keep raising the standard line of “unbearable”.
And maturity is the “unbearable” standard line is extremely high, so high that it is rare to touch it once a year.
The most important thing in life is that you are not the only one who has a hard time living.
4. Loss of “complaints”
To a large extent, the complaint is to dump the pot.
For example, a person complained to you every day about her husband, you may initially sympathize with her, but over time, you will not also feel as if she also has problems, and is a lot of problems.
Mature people have a great characteristic, is the ability to self-reflection is very strong.
Self-reflection is very strong people, the greater the tolerance.
When someone says something bad about us, their first reaction is not to make a comment or get angry, but to review ourselves first.
Do not talk about others, take yourself to speak.
If you are now complaining less than before, found more of your own shortcomings, want to improve your own will is stronger, you will not also feel that you are better than your past self, you will not also feel more mature than ever before.
5. Loss of “you should”
It’s too easy to evaluate a person, for one thing, it’s something that everyone does.
For example, you see a movie, you see an article, you see a person, you just see, even you do not even see, you can casually evaluate, it is too easy.
When you see someone doing something that is not to your liking, the first reaction that pops into your head is “what you should do” or something like that.
For example, when you hear a friend talk to you about the pain of marriage, your first reaction is “you should get a divorce”, your husband lost his cell phone, your first reaction is “you should take care of the phone” — this is very easy, but it will not solve any problems.
Mature people rarely talk about who “should be how”, at least before “you should”, there is a “why this” process, first understand clearly the situation of others, the whole process of things, can listen then listen more, do not just casually on the “you should”.
To put it another way, you actually hate it when people say “you should” to you.
So, do not do to others what you do not want.
You should take note of what you hate and what you hate, and reflect on it so that you don’t become the person you hate.
To improve your character and cultivation, on the one hand, is to make yourself a more likable person.
Of course, if you don’t care whether you are liked or not, that’s fine too.
That’s the other side of the coin — the more peaceful your mind is, the better you’ll live.
Is it important to live well?
Very important.
The more you grow up, the more you will understand that living in this world, you basically can not change the world, you can hardly change others, you can only do hard on yourself, build yourself, shape yourself, you can find a piece of their own paradise in this “messy” world.
Let us become mature is keep losing, and the best loss is the loss of these instincts, which everyone has it, take away the behavior and mindset of harming the other.
