Why do people who give more get disliked by others?
In real life, A piece of bread, when people are far away from it, they will think that the taste of this piece of bread may be very good, and a kind of love will arise in their hearts.
When people face this piece of bread all day long, they will feel that this piece of bread has no fragrance at all, and it also has a strong odor, which makes people feel disgusting.
The bread is the same in this comparison before and after, so why are people’s feelings and attitudes different?
This is related to people’s psychological state.
We always have certain expectations and desires for everything we are unfamiliar with and have not tasted.
This kind of expectation and desire is the mediator of human feelings.
On the contrary, we will feel disgusted with everything that we are familiar with and have grasped.
Either I find fault here or there, and I always think it is bad.
As the saying goes, there is no harm without comparison. If you want to get people out of this ambivalent mentality, you have to let them compare it with something else.
In this way, people can truly understand the good and bad of things.
Fragrance is far away and smell is near. This applies not only to things but also to people.
If the loaf of bread above is hated because it is too ordinary,
So many people in life have contributed a lot but are despised by others. Is it because they are too ordinary?
This is not the case.
In a family, we can find the same situation. Those who give more and contribute to family members are more disgusted and despised.
It’s like a filial son who respects his parents too much and even regards their parents’ words as imperial edicts and dares not violate them. Such people will only be hated by their parents.
It’s like a daughter-in-law who is too kind to her parents-in-law, but her parents-in-law don’t appreciate it and think she should do so.
In this way, she will also be harmed if she pays unilaterally.
I have seen such a case.
Zoe, the second daughter-in-law of Uncle William’s family, has been taking care of the housework and working hard without any complaints since she married into the Wang family.
Her sister-in-law is not a hard-working person, she only talks.
But in the eyes of the elders of the royal family, Zoe cannot compare to her elder sister-in-law. Moreover, even the parents-in-law think that the eldest daughter-in-law is better, as the second daughter-in-law just likes to put on an act.
At a family banquet, Zoe was busy one after another, but just because she was a little late in cooking, she was treated coldly and scolded by her parents-in-law.
And what about the eldest daughter-in-law? She would accompany her relatives outside, peeling melon seeds and chatting, with her legs crossed, and she won praise from others without doing anything.
In the eyes of the parents-in-law, the second daughter-in-law is so busy every day just to win other people’s attention and sympathy. Such people are the most annoying.
So, that day, Zoe couldn’t stand it anymore, so she said something to her parents-in-law, and then went directly back upstairs to pack her things and go back to her parents’ house.
But the second son himself also understands that his wife has sacrificed a lot for the family, but she is not welcome. He didn’t know why.
So he first persuaded her to stay and then took her to apologize to her parents.
Later, the second son asked his parents why he had to target his wife. Didn’t the elder sister-in-law do anything?
Uncle William said: “She has always done these things. If she doesn’t do them well, they must belong to her.”
After hearing this, the second son understood that it turned out that his wife was not a good person.
It made her parents angry, but she did it too much and it became natural for them to get used to it.
Therefore, in a family, the more one-sided efforts are made without knowing how to let others help, the more
People who don’t know how to let others share some of the responsibilities will have trouble managing family relationships.
From a psychological point of view, people are creatures that are easy to get used to.
Just like when you do something, if you do it more, others will think that this is your responsibility.
But they don’t know that some responsibilities should be borne by them.
Why do they get lost and abandon their responsibilities? Just because you take on other people’s responsibilities, you become a poor “good guy.”
In a family, if there are three children, how should they provide for their parents in old age?
If all the responsibilities are shouldered by the eldest brother, then the eldest brother will become the “thankless” one.
And his parents will put all the pressure on him.
The result was that the other two sons gained the reputation of being filial sons without doing anything.
The eldest brother, besides working, just works and eventually becomes an unfilial son in the eyes of his parents.
Therefore, some responsibilities must be shared.
Just like taking care of parents, the eldest brother must be responsible for taking care of them, and the other two also have the responsibility of taking care of them. In this way, there will be no chaos.
Another advantage of sharing responsibilities is that it allows parents to understand who treats their parents well and who is an unfilial son who only talks.
Then, the curse of “far fragrance and near smell” will be broken.
As the saying goes, every family has a hard-to-recite scripture.
The people in each family have their characteristics. For us, if we want to have a good relationship with our families,
You have to learn to keep a certain distance, not to take more responsibility, and not to take less responsibility.
It’s a fool’s errand to take more responsibility. Because for some things, going too far is not enough, and doing too much can be harmful.
And taking less responsibility is a sign of not knowing how to behave. Because every member has to take his or her seat and shoulder his or her burden.
When everyone performs their duties, then everyone’s contribution will be meaningful and can be seen by others.
But no matter what, I still want to say that parents must be considerate of those who are willing to contribute to their families.
Rather than becoming a habit and turning a blind eye, obliterating the contributions of others.
So, in the future, who will be willing to pay?
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