Why is my ex-wife, who begged me not to divorce her, unwilling to remarry me?
One year after the divorce, my ex-husband asks for remarriage. Should I agree?
The following is the problem Marie encountered:
“My ex-husband and I divorced last year. We had been married for 5 years and had a 4-year-old son.
He seems obsessed and cheated on a woman outside. Unless he meets someone who truly understands and loves him, I give him a chance to pursue true love, otherwise he will feel that his life has been in vain.
I asked him, what did I do wrong to let him treat me like this?
He said I didn’t care about him.
I don’t understand what this means. I take care of my family, my children, and him, and he doesn’t have to do anything when he comes back. It’s simply ridiculous that I don’t care enough about him.
I struggled with this for 3 months, during which he said a lot of harsh words, and finally begged me for a divorce.
I felt it was boring to continue like this, so I agreed to let it go.
The divorce went smoothly. I took away my son, my car, and part of my savings, and cut off my old life.
For a long time, I was depressed and depressed, but I had to hold on for the sake of my children.
I read books, watched TV dramas, went shopping, worked, met friends, played with my children, and used various things to distract myself from the impact of divorce. Gradually, my heart didn’t hurt so much anymore, and I couldn't bear it.
Just when I thought life would slowly calm down, my ex-husband suddenly became attentive to me, asking about my children and me from time to time.
I couldn’t guess what kind of medicine he was selling, so I just responded like a normal friend.
As a result, he laid the groundwork like this for a month or two and suddenly told me that he found other women were not as good as me and asked me to remarry for the sake of our children.
I was confused. A year ago I said I had met true love, but the shelf life was too short.
But I can’t refuse him directly. To be honest, I haven’t let go of him at all.
Moreover, the child had a good relationship with him before and liked to contact him.
But at the same time, I have adapted to my current life, and I don’t want to break this peace, and I am afraid of going back to the bloody drama of the past…”
What Marie encountered has happened to many divorced women.
Your ex-husband has had enough fun outside and has hit the wall. He seems to have regretted it and has come back to you to remarry.
You agree I feel sorry for the suffering I have suffered, and I am afraid of suffering the same thing again;
You can resolutely refuse, but you can’t do it. After all, marriage always has some practical benefits.
what can we do about it? Let’s talk about it together today.
01 True return: You should take your responsibilities
Should we remarry?
Let’s first take a look at what the ex-husband said: “Other women are not as good as you. You should remarry for the sake of your children.”
You can probably guess why he came to see his ex-wife.
It was nothing more than that after the passion and long-term relationship, he discovered his ideal true love and exposed many of his shortcomings.
They would also quarrel, and their quarrels would become even more merciless, causing him to completely break her filter:
It turns out that you are not the angel in my mind. You are kind to me without any intention of repaying me;
When our needs conflict, you prioritize taking care of yourself;
It turns out that those high concentrations of attention only exist in passionate love that is destined to be short-lived…
I hit a wall, I hit a wall, so I remembered my ex-wife who was truly my best friend, and wanted to remarry my ex-wife…
Because after all, no woman can tolerate him, tolerate him, and pamper him like his ex-wife…
But I think such a man is too narcissistic. Why does he always feel that he can turn back without giving anything?
I want such a man to think about a few words:
Why does your ex-wife want to remarry you?
Have you realized your mistake? Can you guarantee that you won’t do it again?
Have your marriage problems been resolved? Can we no longer fall into the vicious cycle of the past?
Have you seen the injuries and tears your ex-wife has suffered in the past year? How do you make up for it?
…
If you don’t have these, you can come back if you want. One day, if you want to leave, you will pat your butt and leave again.
Why do you treat your ex-wife like this, who has sincerely devoted herself to you and your family?
What makes me feel even more aggrieved for a woman is that when you want to go back, you don’t even make it clear, and you use the child as an excuse to come back.
You don’t have to talk about your children. Even if you are divorced, you can still take on the responsibility of a father.
And if you want to come back, there is one and only one reason, that is, you want to be good to this woman, you will value and take care of her feelings, you are determined, and you want to develop a real intimate relationship with her.
You can see that you have done something wrong and hurt the other person’s feelings, and take responsibility. From now on, you can learn to manage your feelings and reflect them in your words and actions.
When you do these things, whether the other party agrees with you or not depends on her wishes.
02 Only by reviewing the relationship can we better look forward to the future.
As for Marie, her ex-husband wants to remarry, and she still has some feelings for her ex-husband, so should she remarry?
I advised Marie not to be too emotional at first. Let the man say a few soft words and feel that he sincerely wants to return. I can live a good life in the future and give him another chance.
In the end, it may be Marie herself who is hurt.
If Marie still has some wishes, she can talk to her ex-husband first to see how sincere he is willing to be before making a decision.
Specifically, you can do this:
First: Marie can make her attitude clear:
To tell you the truth, I have feelings for you during our marriage for so many years.
But you insisted on getting a divorce at that time, which made me feel very painful and uncomfortable. After slowly adjusting, I gradually accepted this reality.
Now that you have come back and said that you want to remarry, I have expectations, but I don’t accept the reason you said for the sake of the children.
If you want to come back for the sake of our relationship and you are willing to take action, I will see how you behave and then I will seriously consider remarrying.
When Marie said this, she was setting a hurdle that her ex-husband must pass when he wanted to muddle through.
If he is willing to take action, let Marie see his sincerity, and sort out the problem, then they will be better together in the future.
Otherwise, it’s a waste of each other’s time.
Second: Only by looking back on the past can we look forward to the future.
After hearing what Marie said, her ex-husband was determined to stay. Then Marie could discuss the following issues with him:
What attracted you to that relationship in the first place?
What grievances have you had in the past?
You said I don’t care about you, can you give specific examples? Do you know what I was thinking at that time?
How do you want to live in the future? What should we do if our marriage encounters such a problem again?
Do you understand the heartache I felt when I was cheated on or divorced? What are you willing to do to repair the trust between us…
Only when Marie truly talks through these issues can both parties know what happened in the past marriage, and also see their responsibilities, and not blame Marie all at once?
For example, if your ex-husband said that Marie didn’t care about her, it’s very likely that her ex-husband did something or said something that hurt Marie.
But her ex-husband didn’t realize it, and Marie suppressed it in her heart and didn’t express it, which made her ex-husband think that Marie didn’t care about him, and even cheated to avoid facing the problem.
Only when these are discussed clearly can both parties know where their responsibilities lie and how to solve similar problems.
For example, if the relationship between a husband and wife becomes more and more indifferent, it may be that both parties are busy with work and family chores, leaving no space for each other.
Only by understanding each other’s needs, and love language, and constantly investing time and energy in each other can the relationship keep flowing and nourish each other…
These things need to be discussed one by one. Of course, you don’t have to talk about them all at once. You can talk about them little by little and slowly when you are relaxed.
Only by talking thoroughly can we see clearly where the problems are and where the solutions are.
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